It’s been a minute since I’ve added to this blog. For that, I’m sorry. Life threw a few unwanted curve balls over the last month. I came off the JFK 50 miler motivated and excited for the future. Not because I raced well (it actually was a terrible race) but because I finished the damn thing. I dug deep to find something that had been lost with my running for a LONG while. The ability to continue on when super uncomfortable. Funny how that is such a metaphor for life.

During JFK, I had severe shin pain popping up around 36 miles in. I usually get things like this in my lower legs during races longer than 50k. It comes with the territory. I figured I would finish the race, rest a few days, and all would be good. After my few days of rest, I still couldn’t run, much less walk without wanting to shed a tear. During my time off just a few days after Thanksgiving, I got a call from my mom telling me my memaw wasn’t doing well. She had an inoperable cardiac aneurysm. It was just a matter of time. I hung up the phone, so mad at myself for not being there with the whole family together one last time for Thanksgiving. A few days later, I got another call. This time I hopped on a plane and made my way to Texas to say my goodbyes to the most influential and amazing woman in my life. My Memaw and I were so close, making this the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I was lucky to be with her in her last coherent moments. We said everything we wanted to say to each other as I held her hand, reminiscing about all the incredible moments we shared together. I found so much peace getting to do that, and I hope she did the same. Losing someone you are so close to leaves you with this hole that can’t be filled. Every morning since her death, I wake up confused about what’s missing in my life. I want to call her to talk to her about it. I always called her first when I was going through something. “baby, follow your heart. I love you. Just because we aren’t in the same place doesn’t mean I’m not with you. I am always with you,” she would say. I have to recite that daily, and it helps. Part of life is losing those you are close to. When it happens, you are quickly reminded about how precious time is. You go from living a comfortable life to suddenly having a little bit of chaos. You can keep going, or you can DNF. The choice is always there.

After a few weeks of no running and a week of jog/hobbling, I decided to go see a Doctor for my shin. It was getting better, but there was still a little pain. Turns out I had torn my anterior Tib muscle! We did a lot of work on the area, and the doctor said the healing process was going super well and gave me the green light to slowly get back into some running. The last time I wrote here, I mentioned how I was planning on racing a lot. Now that there was a little bit of a wrench thrown in the plan, I am not sure exactly what the schedule looks like. I’m still planning on running Black Canyon in Feb as my next big race but beyond that is uncertain at the moment.

I’ve suddenly been given the courage to start doing things my way recently. I have NO IDEA where it has come from. For the last few years, I have just kinda lent myself to the grace of others and let them control my life. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing; in fact, it’s been mostly good having guidance and letting the car drive itself. But lately, I’ve wanted the freedom to live in a way that allows me to not have any regrets. Regrets tend to come from not being able to do what our hearts and minds tell us to do and enjoy. I will still have guidance and people in my life who help lead the way for me, but I won’t let it be a controlling factor anymore. I think this mostly comes from the fact that it’s easy to get too comfortable and coast through life. I want to challenge myself and know it’s my own doing and not someone else’s idea of what’s good or bad for me. I think many of you can relate. This isn’t a reference to any particular thing. We are all guilty of not following our hearts in some way or another. I challenge everyone to listen to what they really want out of life this new year. What makes you happy or inspired even? How can you achieve that and continue living a life of personal achievement and growth? I think that’s happiness’s true meaning, and I will personally explore it.

Thanks to everyone who got through reading this. I felt like I just needed to write down what’s been on my mind recently. For those who come here for more running content, I promise there will be plenty of that this coming year! The holidays can be the best time of year and can also be very tough for many. I hope everyone finds peace and happiness as we wrap up 2022! See ya’ll next year!

“When we get too comfortable, we stop dreaming.”
― Joyce Rachelle